I'm going to let you in on a bit of my past.
My father is not really my father. My parents have been together for the past 9 years and in those 9 years, my step-father has been more of a father to me then my biological dad has ever been. When I was 16, after years of in and out of my life, my father decided it was another "in" time and we went to dinner one night. The night progressed by my bio-father nagging me about my mothers love life, putting her down, putting me down and being an all out jerk. We were at a restaurant where my mom worked a few nights a week for some extra money, so most of the waitstaff knew who I was, but that didn't stop him from being an ass.
Next thing I knew, my bio-dad flicked me in the forehead from across the table. Leaving a massive welt. Then when we were leaving, he smashed the door to the restaurant in my face. One of the waitresses who knew me poked her head out the door and yelled, "Casey, are you alright??" Of course I responded yes, and went on my way with my bio-dad to give me a ride home.
When we got back to my house, he wanted to come inside to use the phone and who am I to say no? Letting him in was my way of avoiding conflict. Needless to say, somehow an argument ensued and I wound up getting beat up pretty badly. By the next morning, I had a restraining order and was practically disowned by that entire side of my family.
Fast forward to recent days, I've spoken via facebook with a couple of my uncles and I've attempted to keep in touch with my grandmother over the years, but it always seemed one sided, me being the only one who wanted to actually try. About 3 weeks ago, I received a letter from my grandmother basically bitching me out for not wanting my bio-dad in my life and how I'm robbing the whole family of knowing my kids and I'm robbing my kids of their heritage.
Here's my dilemma, I'm not one to bite my lip and keep my mouth shut. I say what I have to say and thats it, but in this situation, do I take the high road and let it go and not respond? Here's my take, I'm not robbing my kids of shit. My kids are well rounded, amazing children. Do I explain the whole situation to my 4 year old and confuse her about who her grandfather is? Cause as life is now, she has an amazing grandfather who loves her more than anything. Do I possibly tarnish that bond that they have? I don't think that I can. I can't discredit my step-father for all the amazing things that he's done for us over the years. I love him too much to do that. I thought as parents we were supposed to protect our children from assholes? Do I want my kids around the same man who beat the crap out of me? Absolutely not.
I'd love to respond and explain it all to her, but I'm not sure if I can without coming off like a major bitch. Though I feel like allowing myself to be a bitch in this situation is warranted. I want to let her know that child support isn't actually doing your duty as a parent. And just because child support was paid, once again, on and off, throughout the years, doesn't mean that my bio-dad is entitled to a damn thing. Is it a matter that she feels guilty that the son that she raised acted like this? I'm positive it is. I'm positive that she wants to take blame and guilt off of herself and throw it on me. I can't allow myself to feel guilty over this, but do I just let it go? Its hard to keep your mouth shut on something that you have a strong opinion on. I'm not sure I can do it. I know for years she's only heard the one side to the story, where I probably come off like an ungrateful, rotten child, but there's 3 sides to every story. Mine, his and the truth. Fact of the matter is though, that 2 of those stories are the same. Mine and the truth. I'm not sure that I can take the high road on this one.