Sunday, September 20, 2009

Where do I fit in?

Here we are, Sunday night... I dread it.
I am most certainly NOT a morning person and the school week starts again tomorrow. But the real reason I dread Sunday nights is the fact that I know first thing in the morning, I have to bring Boug to school, walk her in the doors and feel like I don't add up. Then I leave, come back at 3:25 and once again, feel like I don't fit in.

I don't know how to explain who I am sometimes, I'm laid back, I do care about how I dress, but I don't put any excessive thought into it most days. Sometimes my hair is just a teeny bit greasier than it should be. I've been stuck with craptastic skin since my senior year of high school and I refuse to wear any real makeup unless I'm at some sort of special occasion. I'm 50 pounds heavier than I'd like to be and my clothes don't fit right. I feel most days that I look like I'm still 19, which isn't a socially acceptable age to have a 5 year old and a 1 year old, though I'm really 27.

The Moms at Boug's school are pretty much separated into two groups. The "I just got done browsing the LLBeanJCrewLandsEnd catalog and found the perfect loafers to go with my khakis" moms and then there's the "Skantacular" moms who show up looking like they just rolled in the dirt. (Don't get me wrong, that's acceptable in the town, since its about 85% farms.) I know I don't fit in with the farmer moms and I know I don't fit in with the catalog moms, so where do I belong? I think I've seen maybe 1 other mom either picking up or dropping off their kid that is similar to me at all. I wear skateboarding sneakers, I love football... I listen to ridiculous music. I smoke cigarettes. I don't sip cosmos or wine after the kids go to bed.

Normally, I wouldn't really care all that much what people think of me, but right now I don't want anyone making any assumptions about me, because that could in turn affect the friendships that my children form in their lives. But I'm at a point where I'm not quite sure where I fit in, how to reach out to other moms... I don't want to change who I am just to be accepted, because I've never been that way and I wouldn't want to set that sort of example for my daughter or son.

I don't know, I'm just not looking forward to that awkward feeling in the pit of my stomach.


kado! September 21, 2009 at 8:13 AM  

I'll be honest here....although I do not wear J Crew or Lands End...I will not leave my house unless I am in makeup and clothes that make me feel pretty (unless I'm coming or going to the gym....then I'm in gym clothes)it's just the way I am...and it makes me feel "put together". So I do see the moms that show up every single day in baggy t-shirts and sweatpants...and speaking for does not make me judge their kids any bit I hope that puts your mind at ease!

*note...their was a woman I saw the other day that showed up twice for in-class meetings that was overweight and she had short spandex shorts on with a dressy shirt...I was very confused...but that was about it...her son I found out is buddies with mine...and I would never think of changing that just because she chooses to dress that way!

Maybe this will put your mind at ease so you can continue to just be yourself!!! Which from what I pretty awesome!!

amorgan8421 September 21, 2009 at 6:56 PM  

I think your freakin amazing! screw everyone else, you are who you are. I think your a perfect mom and I only wish I could be as great of a mom as you are someday. <3

Liz September 21, 2009 at 7:42 PM  

I definitely can relate to this scenario, with my oldest kids all the Mom's are older, and the kind you're talking about, but then with my 2 youngest I still don't really fit in with those Mom's either. I wish I had some advice, but hang in there and you'll either find a niche, or make your own! :-)

Paige September 21, 2009 at 9:02 PM  

you know what? I bet every other mom feels like they do not add up! Seriously, even those "perfect" moms have something bothering them as well......

Kidazy September 22, 2009 at 12:23 AM  

I am not a mom but I am an insecure woman who has to have her makeup on before stepping foot outside of her house and do you want to know a secret? I feel just as poorly fitted with other people my age as you do. If it makes you feel any better I wouldn't judge you for the way you dress or look, I'm not that type of person.

Anonymous,  September 25, 2009 at 12:35 PM  

Hey Casey!

I'm sorry to hear you're having some trouble with this and glad you shared your feelings. I think what you heard from the other moms was great, and I hope their support makes things a little easier.

Maybe I can also bring a little helpful advice, to add to what was shared here. I wasn't a military brat, my dad was a professor and we traveled entire summers in a camper. Not only did I have to make friends at each campground, I had to get back into my circle of friends when I got back, after they had had a whole summer of fun to bond without me.

We also went to Europe for a year while he taught there in an exchange program, and I had to learn how to speak French on the fly in a French middle school at the age of 11. Ouch! :)

Obviously, I had to learn really early on how to make friends. I was a misfit automatically, just because I was an outsider. I never was a snappy dresser, and being from another state AND at times another country, I didn't know the "in" places or right things to say. But, it didn't take me long to have kids crowding around me, interested in my life and how unique I was, just as ME.

Making friends is a skill, and I believe you have it. It's one part being approachable and welcoming, one part genuinely liking people, one part being an interesting person, one part putting a smile on your face and having fun no matter where you are, and one part being able to not take yourself too seriously.

You have a great sense of humor, and you are clearly trying to reach out and touch people with this blog - why not let that shine? Don't just be yourself in clothing and appearance, let it OUT in every way. Most of all, that unique quality that will make people interested in YOU, is your blog, right HERE at your fingertips!

Break the ice. Introduce yourself. Hand out cards with your blog on them attached to little bags of candy or cookies. Everyone loves presents - look what you do here! Use what you learned here, in the 'real' world.

Most of all, you may not want to send the message to your kiddos that they can't be themselves, but you also don't want them going through what you are either. You don't have to sacrifice who you are to fit in and make friends when you be yourself, and light up a room. People are drawn to kind, fun people.

Teaching your kids how to make friends will be one the greatest gift you can give them, and will serve them well in their lives and careers.

I wish you all the best and hope to hear a positive post about how well you did the next time. Hugs!

Your friend,
Doodlekins Cartoon Family Labels

Unknown September 25, 2009 at 7:54 PM  

I know what you mean. I feel the same way at my kids' school. I go there with no makeup, hair in a pony tail half the time. But really, honestly, who are they to judge? Try not to worry about and let people like you for you :)

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