At risk of sounding cold and heartless...

When and, more importantly, WHY, within the past few years have I begun to watch and listen to the news?

Is it because I'm supposed to be a grown up and should be caught up with whats going on in our world? Is it because I need to watch it to be thankful for what I have in my life? Why?

I'm done. Its depressing and I feel that it has only gotten worse. Not with the economy or any one thing. Its the WHOLE thing. Every aspect of current events has gotten worse and worse every time that I turn on the TV or open the newspaper. Its draining and its tiring.

I'm sorry, the things that are natural occurences are sad, but I can almost comprehend them and understand them. There is no way to control mother nature, all we can do is attempt to prepare and that's all that it is, an ATTEMPT. We will never know if our efforts were enough until a dreaded time comes.

What I'm talking about is the death, the killings, the attacks, the murders. When does a mother murder her daughter's little friend? What is it inside that makes that even possible? How does a mother kill her daughter and then stab her pregnant self to kill the fetus? What makes a man seek out women to rape and murder? Again and again? How can a father murder the mother of his children and those kids, only to turn on himself as well? Why does someone go somewhere to kill people that he doesn't even know, people who have not done anything to harm said person? Its heart breaking and gut wrenching and I just cannot fathom and I cannot wrap my mind around these heinous acts.

But something else that I don't understand, and here's were I'm going to sound cold and heartless, but if things are so damn effed up for you, why take the lives of others? Take your own damn life and be done with it. I'm not a bitch, but the victims and the families of the victims, did they deserve it because the killer "had a bad day" or "felt badly about something"?? I'm not saying go kill yourself, but what I am saying is, please, if its that bad, suck up the pride and get some help if you realize how bad it is, or come on... take your own life, be done with it and don't victimize so many people in the process of killing and injuring others due to mental illness or self pity etc...

As I re-read what it is I wrote, yes, I realize I sound like a cold, heartless bitch. But to be honest with you, there was a near run in with something that could have been so tragic back in 2005 for me. February 13th, a man walked into our little rinky dink Hudson Valley mall, the one that I shop at, and shot the place up. You always think, "Things like that don't happen here." And for this area, its really true, there's a lack of serious crime around here compared to many places and on February 13th, 2005, we were going to my aunt's for my nephews birthday party... I had forgotten to get a gift and contemplated going to the mall that day... I mean really, its only 25 minutes away and its the only place around here to go shopping. I decided against it and went over anyway without a gift, only to get there and be watching the news and watching the situation unfold. I had just stopped working in that mall a few months prior. It could have been horrible. It could have been tragic. Thankfully only 2 people were injured by gunshot wounds and its sad to say that its "thankful" that people were 'injured by gunshot wounds.'

I'd like to hand in my grown up card now. I'll go back in time, I'll stay in high school for the rest of my life if I could just be oblivious to current events. Or I could be like my in-laws and live on acres and acres and acres of land, completely off the grid. No electricity, no running water, and hardly keeping up with recent news unless I want to crank up the radio....