Tuesday, March 2, 2010

28 days....

I haven't had the easiest past 8 years of my life. Today is, what possibly could be, a huge turning point in my marriage, family, life... I know I've touched on it before in the past, but nows the time to really just come out with it all. I'm putting my heart into words, not for any other reason other than the fact that it needs to be done. My husband is an alcoholic, and up until about a week ago, he was an active alcoholic. He's somewhat of a binge alcoholic, but will drink daily if given the opportunity. But when he goes overboard, he goes on a 3 day bender and that's that. No one can stop him. Nothing will stop him. Its been a vicious cycle for the past 8 years and its time for it to stop. I dropped him off at 28 day inpatient rehab this morning.

I'll admit, I know that I've been an enabler for the past 8 years. I know that I've said probably 100 times, "This is it. Drink again, and we're done." Only to never be done. Only to a few days later having life back to normal and him attending his AA meetings. This time, its been at least twice a week since November, and I can't back down this time. Although I'm feeling quite broken, let down, without faith, I know I have to be strong and let him accept the help that he's been given by attending this rehab. HE needs to be the one to accept it and I can no longer tell him that he NEEDS to accept it. This is a decision he needs to make for himself, either take life seriously, take the disease seriously, or lose your family completely. My idle threats for 8 years have done no good and its the time for me to stand my ground and be strong, knowing that I'm doing the right thing for me and the kids.

The next 28 days are going to be hard. Lonely. Quiet. But I'm going to try my best to fill my downtime with whatever I can. I'm going to take time to reflect on me, and who I am as a person. With the past 8 years being how they've been, I've pretty much lost myself and I need to start finding me again.

4 comments:

Andrea H March 2, 2010 at 10:25 PM  

My step-mom just got finished with alcohol rehab and she is a completely different person. She says you really have to want it to succeed. I hope and pray that your husband does well and your entire family will benefit.

((BIG HUGS))

amyndavid March 3, 2010 at 8:48 AM  

Good Luck! I hope everything works out for you. :-)

lfhpueblo March 3, 2010 at 6:06 PM  

My Dad was a major alcoholic for thirteen years. I was aged 3 to 16when he was a practicing alcoholic.
He was really mean when he was drunk. I don't know how many times my brother, sisters and I, pleaded with my mom to leave him. She never did. Finally in the summer of my sixteenth year we went on vacation in another state. The state he grew up in to visit his side of the family. He also meet up with a buddy of his he grew up with and his family. My dad and this guy went on a big bender. This guy would turn into a mean drunk too. This time this other guy started really beating on his daughter who was my age, and my dad looked at my mom and said, "Do I do that when I drink?"
My mom said, "Yes, and that he'd almost killed my brother coming down here on the trip, by trying to drown him in the Mississippi River." My brother didn't drown because my mom was able to pull my dad off him and did the threatening thing then about you better stop drinking or I'll leave you.
Well, praise the Lord the light went on in my Dad's head. All the booze got poured down the drain at the motel, and my Dad never touched a drink after that.
He pulled that guy off his daughter and belted him one and told him, look what you're doing to your kid.
Unfortunately that other guy didn't stop drinking. His wife did divorce him over it, and took all the kids. Though later one of the boys when he graduated high school went to live with his Dad and became just like him.
The Daughter of the man told my Dad about six years after that, that her Dad had died. He died from brain disease and liver disease caused from the alcoholism.
Very sad, very sad.
It does affect your kids.
It took me until I was 24 years old to really ever like my dad, to get over those years when I was growing up when you tip toed on egg shells not to do anything that would set him off when he was drinking. I just wonder sometimes how he was able to pull it off at work where no one knew.

ejrichter60 at gmail dot com March 4, 2010 at 3:17 AM  

Casey...you are strong and you will get through this. Lean on us when you need to. I know a lot of us dont know you very well, but many of us understand what you are going through, either living it as a child...or living it as a spouse~~~maybe even both!

i was brought to tears by your post and also lfhpueblo's comment on here.
I grew up with an alcoholic Dad...it really ruined our family, my self esteem, and my trust in not just men, but people in general. Your husband AND you are doing a great service to your family by getting help. A child who has to LIVE with this doesn't have a chance to develop normally emotionally, just as you have not had this normalcy for all these years. I know alcohol is an addictive drug...it is hard to beat this but many, many can and HAVE! You just have to set things up so failure is NOT an option! A complete life and HEART change is needed to succeed.

I didnt see my dad the whole time as a high school student. He came to my graduation and some teachers thought he was my GRANDPA! He had aged and was so ravaged by alcohol effects. It took til I was 23 to stand up to him and talk about the issues we grew up with. He lived in a dream world where he thought he was SUPER DAD. He was a good man and hard worker trying to raise NINE kids! But alcohol demolished his life. He died almost 5 years ago and some of my family never made peace with him or dealt with their horrible effects of their childhoods with a VACANT dad. It is heartwrenching!

Please get some support from someone professional. My mom went to Al anon. It changed her life and outlook. It and the people there gave her so much strength. She went back to school at 47 and got a good job...and raised the last 4 of us. But, the loss took a toll on her. SHE waited too long to get the help SHE needed, even when my dad couldnt or wouldnt get help. THese days there is so much help out there. ASK any agency at ALL for help. Make calls. Bring this to the attention of YOUR medical docs. Counseling should be available even if they are being jerks about in house insurance.

THAT whole insurance CRAP makes me so mad. You have a person READY to get help, and they think of turning him away. OOOhhh...that makes me SO mad. Your family and most importantly your child's future is at stake! Our whole freaking system is so messed up...there are too many people who need help with various addictions and issues and they are not being helped. the kids suffer the most...

Just get through each day...really, that's all you can do. HIS health is out of your control, so you need to keep watch over yours and your family. DONT let it take you down too!
YOU can DO this!

a hug from one who knows,

Eileen

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