Saturday, September 3, 2011

So I've been told to keep my business to myself...

In the past, (not too distant) I've been told to keep my business to myself. To keep the blog more vague. Honestly, I can't do that. This is my place. A "home" of sorts, and I wouldn't change what I do here simply to appease anyone. After a much-needed chat with one of the most fabulous women in my life, (Sarah!) I've come to the realization that there are things that I have to share here. Not just for the fact that I have stuff to get off of my chest, but someone else might be dealing with similar bullshit in their lives, and what I have to say might be a huge help.

The shit that I've been dealing with isn't simple. There are no cut and dry answers. There is no black and white. Only gray. The exhub took off on a Tuesday night a couple weeks ago. Disappeared. I didn't have much of a clue as to what was up, but if history repeated itself, he was out on a bender. Now my life came back down to relying on his assistance so that I could work and not scramble for sitters or pay an arm and a leg for daycare. That Tuesday, that went out the window. The kids were upset, especially Miss Boug, and I had to break it down for her about her father, yet again. I didn't hear from him til Saturday. "I want to come back and make it right. I want to help out with the kids again. I just had to get my head straight." This isn't the first time that my daughter has been heartbroken that her father has been irresponsible. What does a mother do? How do you put a band-aid on a broken heart? I had to yet again tell her, "Your father was only thinking of himself. There's nothing that can be done. Me, you and your brother gotta take care of each other." I told the exhub that he isn't welcome back. His help is unneeded. What he does to the children emotionally is more harm than good. Sometimes Boug is angry. I ask her why and she tells me that its because she can't count on her dad. To be honest, sometimes I'm happier that she's angry, and not sad, because the anger just shows more of an understanding of the situation.

Am I wrong for keeping him from the kids? Isn't it my job as a parent to protect my children from mental, emotional and physical harm? In the long run, at the end of the day, I sit and hope that these two kids of mine don't hold it against me that I did what I felt was best for them. To be honest, I was them at that age. My own father was an in-and-out dad every few years. I think the max run was a span of 3 good years that I could count on him to pick me up and do things with me. Has history repeated itself? Who knows... Life wasn't supposed to turn out this way, but most of the time, it doesn't go as planned regardless.


traci smith September 3, 2011 at 11:13 PM  

i agree that this is your home, and where are you supposed to feel the most relaxed, at home so i say kick the shoes off , curl em up on the couch and say what you feel , and i agree about the hub and kids, while i wasnt married to my first love ,i loved him so much! we did create a totally awesome lil girl , and my first job was to protect her, him? if he fell down it was up to him to pick himself up , i wasnt his mama, he became a in and out dad, i finally said enough! i couldnt bear to have my meg get hurt by him so i said when he GROWS UP AND REALIZES HES A MAN ,call me . i ended up moving out of state and raising meg alone til she was 14, i now have a beautiful , confident , daughter who is also a fantastic mom to her son, engaged to be married to her guy next year. and she never cried to me about not having a dad, we have a huge family and she was always with someone , i applaude you, its a lot easier for him because he can blame you , but your the one left to pick up all the broken hearts , the boo boos, the school shows , ect., congrats on being strong enough to end it!

lfhpueblo September 3, 2011 at 11:28 PM  

It is your blog. If people don't want to read what you have to say, then I say they can go elsewhere to another blog that they can relate to.
Your husband doesn't have to live in to have a relationship with your child. What he has to have is the inner wisdom to do what is right by his child. That includes some time visiting, but in a good way (no mommy bashing when he visits your child). That includes him paying child support and on time. That includes him giving your child a phone call at least once a week to catch up. That includes him remembering to send gifts on important days, e.g. birthday, holidays. I mean he still needs to be a dad, even if he's no longer living with you. Selfish or not, he needs to learn to realize the child's feelings, so they can grow up a healthy adult.

Liz September 3, 2011 at 11:36 PM  

Hey Casey, first off I'm sorry I haven't been around lately to be there for you, especially when it's been so tough. I care about you and your kiddos, and hate to hear what you guys have been dealing with.

I think you're dealing with the situation in the right way. I would probably do the same myself. And as for your freedom of speech, I say it's your blog and you can write about your life. love you and miss you!

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